Feeling the Fear & Facing it Head On

When I set out on this journey I knew it was more than just a travel vacation - it would be a shamanic walk through life.  Setting the appropriate intention before embarking on any mission is key.

There is a big difference between going camping and going on a vision quest.  I will tell you a story from a few years back.  I was living in Ojai, California - which is another very beautiful spiritual town.

View from Meditation Mount, Ojai, CA

I decided I wanted to go on a vision quest to overcome my fears of being out in nature alone.  I packed a bag and a tent and head out into Matilija Canyon.  I told the shaman I was working with at the time of my decided adventure.  It is often advised that you ask a spiritual teacher to watch over you, even from a distance, when you are going vision questing.

I walked a good distance into the forest and found a small trickling creek, where I set up my tent.  There was a little waterfall at this exact spot. This place brought me great peace.  There was a sense of peace brought about by the moving water.  As dusk began to fall and my fears began to rise, I appreciated the gurgling water over the sound of any kind of crackling branches which to me meant danger was near.

By the time it was completely dark, all I wanted to do was be inside my tent which felt secure and safe.  I climbed in, slid into my sleeping bag which I zipped right to the top and tried to fall asleep immediately.  My my mind began wandering, with thoughts of my possible demise floating rampantly through me.  Luckily I was able to fall asleep soon enough but sleep all night -- I did not do.

The first wake up was half in and half out of dream state.  And what did I find... my worst nightmare.... a bear in my tent - or so thought.  His presence felt so real that as I rubbed my eyes to wake from my slumber, I quickly scanned the tent to see where his claws had torn open the hole for his entrance.  But there were no tears in the fabric and there was no bear.  But oh my God the fear was now sitting with me in my heightened state of awareness.  I prayed for the sun to come up, and I lay as still as a corpse in fear of the potential intruder actually showing up.

I fell asleep again this time laying on my stomach.  I woke up a second time to a heavy presence weighing down on my low back.  Again I cleared my vision only to find nothing in the tent.  I  was positive that a bear had been sitting on my back.  The truth is... the bear had come, not in physical body but in spirit form as a totem animal for me.

The thing is... I had always been scared of seeing the bear in the wild, scared to be alone without the safety net of a solid home.  Bear Medicine had come to me to tell me that it was time to learn how to: STAND MY GROUND.  In standing my ground and having very clear boundaries about what is okay and not okay in how I allow others to treat me, as well as standing strong in my convictions and values; I am day by day becoming more empowered and watching how the miracles continue to unfold for me. 

Image from Steven D. Farmers 

Power Animal Oracle Cards

Published by Hay House

Basically my message from this story is that you can live your life in a mundane way, doing the same old things or you can choose to live your life as an "Urban Shaman." If you want life to be more exciting and fun then intend it to be so, everyone can live a life filled with magic and mysticism.

To all of you who feel weighed down by worldly responsibilities I am not saying you have to pack everything up in your car and become a nomad - that is my personal journey right now but perhaps not yours.  You can however, choose to wake up everyday with the element of wonder at what this day is about to bring forth for you.

Which leads me to the next part of my experience; a few days into making the commitment to take on this great adventure, I was leaving the recording studio where I had created a CD of my music and mission with my friend KC.  I was heading home from Fillmore, CA over the hill back to Santa Rosa Valley where I was staying with a friend who was helping me get back on my feet.  I was in an odd mood as I was feeling a little distraught by her wishes that I not continue the life I was choosing to pursue as a traveler.  I was very grateful to her for providing me a home when things in my life were falling apart.  I just wished she could see that what I was about to do was so very important to me.  Even though on the outside it may not have appeared that I could do this; on the inside I was ready to complete the mission I had tried to start several times before.  A calling like this does not go away, it gets buried and festers until you wake up and take the lead reigns and run with all the passion you can muster.

I texted another friend, expressing that I didn't want to go home that night.  -- Let me tell you WORDS are powerful, especially when expressed with deep emotion, and you will see why.

I got an intuitive feeling to pull off the road into an avocado orchard.  I sat in my car and watched the beautiful sun set.  I felt so much peace in my body after the day of being in such a creative mode and having completed my intended project in a very short time.  As dusk faded and the dark night sky came in, I felt it was time to head home.

I put the key in the ignition and turned it,  arrr, arrr, arrrrh, went the engine.  Yikes, I tried again arr, arrh, arrrh and nothing.  I thought don't panic just let it sit a minute.  One more time I tried but just a ticking sound came through... my car battery was dead.  At first I froze remembering that only a few months back I had this same thing happen and the person who started my car said the battery was weak.  "You may need to get a new one soon", they had said, those words now haunting me.  I looked at my phone battery and it was near dead and I was now in distress.  To make matters worse a white pick up truck had driven by a few minutes ago with a young man wearing a baseball cap who had a very eerie feeling about him.  And now he was coming towards my car again.  Great I thought, just what I need, some crazy person and I am stuck in this field.  Luckily he drove past without even questioning me.  I thanked Arch Angel Michael for watching over me keeping me safe and stealth from any mischievous rendez-vous.

Still in a slight state of fear I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out, which is a spiritual tool I use to calm my nervous system.  Then like auto-pilot my mind went into survival mode; who can I call, my phone is going to die any minute, and I don't really have enough money at this point to pay for a tow, or a new car battery.  Then like a cool breeze blowing through the hot desert, a calmness swept over me.  Instantly I went into action mode.

In a trance like manner I stepped out of my car, walked to my trunk and pulled out my Native American Shaman Drum.  I started a slow melodic rhythm matching the sound of the heart beat. Bum-bum.... bum-bum... bum-bum.  It calmed my nerves enough for me to breath again and think of what lay ahead of me.  I had planned to attend a CODA 12 step meeting at 7:30 pm and here it was now 7:00 pm.  All all hope of making it seemed desolate.  Since I had almost all of my possessions in my car I was prepared to sleep there if I had to.  I didn't really want to, but I knew I could as I had already survived my 1st vision quest in the wild, this should be a peace of cake.

In the stillness of the night and the power of the drum I began to chant & drum loudly, "I will make it home..., I will make it to my meeting, I will make it home..., I will make it to my meeting, I will make it home..., I will make it to my meeting."  Even though my mind kept moving in and out of doubt at this prospect, the drum beat and the energy of my thundering voice kept me focused.

About 5 minutes later a bright light in the way off distance appeared, it was so bright it was hard to see what lay behind the light, and it took a long time to be fully visible.  I stopped my ritual realizing that help might be on its way and I didn't want the passerby to be freaked out by a woman standing beside her car drumming.  As a lady in distress I wanted to make myself look as presentable as possible.

I admit I was happy to see the light and scared to know what came with the light. After the other white pick up truck had left the area it left me in a state of fright at what could potentially happen to me if the 'wrong' person was to come along.  This approaching vehicle was moving towards me at a very slow speed, which made it feel like forever until this next looming interaction was to transpire. Soon enough, this one head-lighted vehicle was now only a few feet away.  I could finally see that it was another man wearing a baseball cap, this time on a quad motorcycle.  He stopped right beside.  In the cheeriest voice I could muster I said, "Well hello sir," happy to see it was an elderly gentleman.  "It appears my car battery has died. I stopped to watch the sunset and gosh darn it, when I went to start the car again it was dead. Would you happen to have some jumper cables?" He smiled and said he had some back at the house and that he would circle around and be back shortly with them. 

Farmer Wayne - "The Friendly Stranger"

Wow... to me I was saved by the Grace of God.  Instead of going into full out panic, I drummed, I got into ceremony and I trusted.  And... I did make it to my CODA meeting, 30 minutes late but nonetheless still there honoring that commitment to myself to be present.

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In taking the shamanic path I must BE by myself for this journey.  I love this line from the prayer called Native American Healer, that says: "I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments." Each day I awake loving myself fully and being filled with an inner joy of being with me.  And... if I am guided to connect with others I enjoy that too.

Below is a picture of Dewey W. Cook who I feel is someone who has been energetically taking care of me, like a spiritual guide does when you go on journey. And like the Bear Medicine that spoke to me years ago reiterating the message that I must learn to stand my ground and fend for myself out in the urban jungle.

Dewey began his shamanic practices in his early twenties mostly self-guided, and like myself had the "out of the blue" spiritual masters enter his life at times that guided him to some really amazing discoveries into the other worlds and dimensions.  

Back to the story: earlier that same evening I had been talking with Dewey and he had pulled the "Rabbit" medicine card to read to me.  I had asked him to look it up for me because the day before when I was talking on the phone with him a rabbit came right up to me.

When Dewey read the card to me I felt like he was a little upset with me, which I now understand was his way of saying that he cared and that I better be cautious of what I was doing.  The rabbits message was saying that I was attracting all of my fears to me.  That was not something I wanted to hear at first.  I did realize that every message; whether we want to hear it or not has a meaning especially when we have a strong emotional reaction to something.  So I had to ask myself, "why am I attracting my fears?"  The answer came though clearly, if you call in your fears and face them - they dissolve. And that is exactly what happened to me.  

I knew my car battery had been weak, I knew that all my possessions were now in my car.  And I also knew that if need be - I could live out of my car.  It wasn't my first choice but I I could do it.  The thought of my car breaking down was unconsciously sending my nervous system haywire.  So I called in the fear, then I called in the power of prayer and God's assistance and by doing so the dooming incident was resolved quickly, safely and resulted in my renewed faith for the journey ahead.

I remember hearing Michael Mirdad, the Unity of Sedona minister speak about fear and darkness.  He said, "the difference between the average Joe and a Master is that the average Joe sees the lurking fear and grudgingly goes into it kicking and screaming, while a Master says: Bring it On!"

Well stay tuned to what is coming up next as I travel down to Venice Beach, California.

To support my journey I am offering hands-on healing's in-person in Southern California and Life Guidance readings by phone wherever you are.

www.SedonahSunn.com

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Thank you for seeing the vision and supporting my journey also with your prayers, your comments and through passing it on.

LOVE  --  PEACE  -- LIGHT

Sedonah Sunn