Inner Peace begins in the Silence of Meditation

In 2009 I did a Vipassana 10 day Silent Retreat Meditation.  (https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/about/vipassana)  When you first arrive they ask that you let go of all other spiritual practices and embrace this one.  I agreed.  They went on to take away any objects of worship, crystals, pen, paper and my car keys.  Then I got a little nervous.  Why? I had to ask myself why is it so hard to let go of all my possessions?

Perhaps a fear of having to totally see oneself naked, meaning no story just pure soul.  I thought this 10 day silent retreat would be fairly easy because I had already done lots of meditation in my life. I found that 10 hours a day of sitting can pose a challenge for even the elite meditators.  

The beautiful experience about this particular retreat is that it broke down my mind -- you know the one that is always talking, thinking, analyzing, judging, criticizing.

On the fourth day I had my big breakdown.  In each sitting we were instructed to observe our breath.  In three of the nine daily sittings we were asked to not move a muscle, if an itch happened to move through it with breath.  I have a strong will and so I took these challenges  on with great conviction. 

In the mid afternoon of Day 4 I had my first breakdown or shall I say breakthrough. I was sitting so perfectly, cross-legged on the floor, and all of a sudden my left hip area started giving me a sensation that something wasn't right.  I tried to maintain my focus on the breath, feeling and sensing it move through my nostrils as the method was taught.  But the ache pursued.  Again I tried to move my awareness back to the breath, which began a game of thoughts racing from breath to ache - back and forth it went until the pain was so great I felt my left upper leg was surely breaking in half.  I couldn't take it anymore and a tear came pouring down my cheek.  My mind had crossed a threshold and as the tear was released the perceived pain lifted.  It was all an illusion.  Pain was only real when I gave it attention.  I moved my body slowly and all was released.

Meditation does not just break you down, it frees you.  By the end of the 10th day and completion of the course, I found myself being the last one to leave the meditation hall.  I had found so much inner peace, I didn't want to leave that space.  I knew that going back into the world was going to be different and it was.  I was in a bubble of bliss for 2 months, and 'worry' was not even part of my vocabulary.  I am so grateful that I had the courage and the time to do this retreat for myself because it changed my life in so many miraculous ways.

Years later I am still meditating, not with quite the same intensity as that retreat, but still seeing the effects each time I go into the silence.  I am also quite aware at how life can come in and pull you away to other activities.  Once you ground yourself into a good practice it is always there for you - you will always find your way back home to OM.

Being in the big city of Los Angeles with lots of commotion and traffic it is an even greater test for me.  I have spent many years in small towns and there is definitely a quieter feel when you live close to nature that is less populated. 

That is why this past Sunday I decided I needed to be bathed in silence and so I shut off my phone and internet for 40 hours.  When I do this I ceremonially place it in a box on the first Sunday of the month at 12:01am and don't turn it back on until sometime on Monday morning.  

I always feel amazing after doing this.  Actually the monk at SRF Lake Shrine service this weekend spoke about this.  He said that we are all losing our conscience when we are inundated with external stimulus.  His advice was that when you had to make a decision in life the first step may be to talk to a trusted friend or counselor to get some feedback on your thoughts, than it was so important to go into the silence of oneself to see what comes, ultimately in the end you decide the path to take of your life.  Do you want to make life choices based on what the media or your friends say is right for you or do you want to live your life based on your own inner truth that only you really know.  

Meditation works....I have seen and experienced the benefits so many times.  I highly encourage everyone to start a practice that works for you.

lots of love,

Sedonah Sunn

p.s. Here is a funny story.  I was talking with a friend the other day and I was telling her that I had been worrying about money and that I had realized it was not really about money it was the act of WORRYING that had taken over my life.

So she shared a story from her friend who said she knew that fear, worry, doubt would always be a part of her life yet she decided that she didn't want them in the driver's seat of her life so she let them sit in the back seat of her car.

I thought about this vignette and while sitting in my car the other day in a very stern voice I looked in the back seat of my car and said, "OK fear, worry and doubt - GET OUT of my car!"  And they left.